Have you ever noticed how some people make things happen for themselves, despite the fact that they may not be the most talented, educated, or intelligent?
How often do you see someone rise to the top when you know that you are more qualified? How often are people rewarded for mediocre ideas when your input is ignored?
Well, sadly, part of it has to do with having an outgoing personality. In fact, some would say that the more of an extrovert you are, the further you get in life. Unfair, but true in a lot of cases.
You see it in business and politics every day. It just seems surreal how some of these people rise to the top, while the masses seem more than willing to follow them. Politics is a glaring example of how crazy it can get – at least in recent years.
I’d like to think I’m politically neutral, but I’m also not naive enough to believe some of the stuff coming out of politicians’ mouths lately. The thing is, people eat this stuff up and take it as gospel. What they really need to do is take a step back and look at the bigger picture. There is always a more sensible reason for these antics, and it almost always has to do with money.
The business world also has more than its share of aggressive personalities. I have first hand experience when it comes to this. I have seen people get promotions and raises due, mainly, to their ability to walk over others in their quest to further their careers and be noticed. They are the people that just won’t shut up and let others have an opinion in meetings, for example. Funny thing is, their ideas are often mediocre.
I suppose it’s all in the delivery.
In some companies, management will view this as enthusiasm and having a “can-do” attitude. “Bob deserves this promotion because he can get things done” – at least, that is what Bob will have them believe. Meanwhile, a handful of more qualified candidates will get overlooked simply because they are not as vocal. Sad that this goes on.
Maybe I’m wrong – it could just be my experience, after all. Though something tells me it’s more common than I realize.
In any case, having people like Bob on the team makes it hard for some of us – the more reserved at least.
Yet, I have found that you can get your voice across, even if you’re a quiet type. All it takes is a little confidence and belief in yourself and your ideas.
While in the corporate world, I struggled for years to make myself heard – often succumbing to the more vocal and aggressive personalities. That is, until we got this new manager. He wasn’t like the rest. In a way, he seemed like he was one of us, or at least, he used to be.
Unlike most of the other department heads, he seemed to genuinely care about giving everyone a chance to voice their opinions. Obviously, he figured out that the quiet individuals often have great ideas too.
He wasn’t a hit with the aggressive personalities that usually took over our meetings. That’s because he went out of his way to engage everyone – that meant that he had to shut down the more vocal people to an extent. He had a way of bringing everyone into the conversation and people felt at ease.
Suddenly, I felt okay voicing my opinion and I started speaking up when I felt I had something valuable to add. Predictably, the people who used to dominate the meetings responded with sneers, jokes, and other juvenile behaviour. But I suddenly realized that it was all a facade and this behaviour was a result of them feeling threatened. Even when I knew two of them were talking about me via text while I tried to make a point to the group, it felt good in a way – I finally knew the truth. The cracks in their armour were showing.
That encouraged me to work on my confidence. I joined Toastmasters shortly afterwards and while I did get some invaluable experience in public speaking, it was terrifying beyond belief. I would not do it again.
Still, I did manage to reach a sweet spot where I was able to become a functional introvert. This suited me fine as I never could, or wanted to, become a Bob.
An amazing side effect of all this was my new ability to talk to people and engage them in a way I never thought possible. It improved my social life and I ended up creating a much wider social circle that included making some lifelong friends.
Okay, so if you got this far, I could get your hopes up by saying that I have a miracle cure for shyness and social anxiety – I don’t. Volumes have been written on this subject and it’s entirely out of the scope of this article.
But, if I could impart a little wisdom on you: Remember that things are not always what they seem. It’s hard to do this because they are so good at what they do, but realize that part of a bully/narcissist’s playbook is creating a persona that other’s back down from. If you’re willing to call them on it, you’ll quickly see that all is not what it seems.
And if you’re an introvert with high aspirations, there is nothing stopping you from achieving your goals. Trust in yourself. Tackle the problem head-on. Get help if needed. Build that confidence.
It’s your quality of life that we’re talking about here. If that isn’t worth it, what is?
